Peers are the most important part of our our life. But what if they turn out to be toxic and harmful. Well! we cannot eliminate peer pressure but here's how we can use it in a positive way.

Peer Pressure

“My friend has that video game, I want it too”, “I have to go to that party! All my friends are going” or maybe, “If I smoke 1 cigarette I can get along with these cool kids.” Well, does this sound relatable? How often do we give into somebody’s demands/provocations or simply try to imitate a friend just to look cool? This phenomenon of getting influenced by our peers and doing things that they are doing just to fit in is called peer pressure. It’s very natural to fall into peer pressure. There isn’t a single person who hasn’t fallen into it at some point in their lives. But did you ever think, why do we fall into this trap? The only answer to this is, we love to draw the attention of others. We want to be accepted by others. So, we do things that can instantly make us popular among these friends. But, my question is why do we need to imitate and be like somebody else? Why can’t we just admire our true selves? It’s simply because socialization helps us to develop confidence within ourselves. It increases our self-worth and gives us the confidence to establish our unique identity. When we aren’t able to socialize, we tend to lose self-confidence considering our silence to be our weakness. But that’s not true at all; socialization is a simple skill just like any other skill, so if we lack that we can just compensate it with any other skill inherent within us (singing, painting, writing, etc).

But is that the only reason? Don’t we do certain things just to look cool? Smoking with friends, following a certain fashion, playing a certain video game or maybe watch certain T.V. shows, just to look cool. Can you remember of the times when you did something just because your friends were doing it? Or maybe that particular activity is perceived to be cool by your friends and so you don’t want to look lame by denying it. Well! If that’s the case then, tell me what do you understand by looking cool and being lame? Do you consider following the mass, mindlessly, just because everyone is doing it, as something very cool and instead, deviating from the mass and being unique as lame? And just in case you wish to prove me wrong, ask these three questions to yourself, ‘What is the true meaning of looking cool? Secondly, ‘Why does a certain activity, like smoking, drinking, or maybe following a certain fashion, etc, so cool?’ and thirdly, ‘What will happen if I don’t follow the mass?’ Because, if you don’t know why you are doing a certain activity, and simply doing it because it looks cool then perhaps you are not cool as you think yourself to be.

But there is another aspect of it too. Peer pressure is not always indirect. It can also be direct. There are instances when our peers might force us into something by bullying, threatening, insulting, or shaming us or by any other means. In such situations, it is important to maintain distance from such people and being assertive enough not to come under any kind of such provocations. Learn to say ‘NO’ to such people. Just in case, if you think that disagreeing with their demands will make your life miserable, try to be assertive for once. People try to dominate others because it gives them a sense of authority. And if you give into it they get a space to force their power. But, if you can be assertive and bold enough to turn them down, they will not have the courage to stand against you ever again. So, try to be bold once and see how you can turn the game in your favour.      

Well, having said that, we should also understand, peer pressure is not always negative. It can also be positive. We are social animals, and very naturally we learn by observing others. So there is nothing wrong with getting influenced by people. But, what is important is to recognize the right kind of influence. Being able to surround ourselves with the people who motivate us and help us to grow in life is very important. This will give you sanity and inner peace in other words it will definitely give you deeper insight and provide you confidence, yes! These are the friends from whom you receive really positive vibes, they always teach you something valuable either directly or indirectly. They help you come out of your comfort zone and become the best version of yourself. So, it’s ok to fall into negative peer pressure, we all experience such things at some point in our life, but what’s important is to come out of the trap, as soon as possible and surround yourself with some real friends who make your life beautiful. So let me know in the comments how your peers influence you and how did you break out of a negative peer pressure?

~Olivia Haldar

 

GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE TO BE WHO YOU REALLY ARE!!!

 

 

'Choose a job you love and you will not hate to work a day in your life'. So here I am to help you Find Your Passion.

 

THE PASSION MYTH

Hi, Stunning Stars!

In my last article, “Plunge Deep into Your Soul”, I spoke about following your passion But, many of you must have thought, ‘Following my passion is ok! But what is my passion? How to find it? There are so many things I love doing! How to choose the right option out of that? Right? Well yes! Most of us stay confused in our lives, not because we can’t follow our passion, but rather because we don’t know what are we passionate about. But, before we find our passion, Let us try to understand what it actually means to us? Is it our hobby? Is it something we just enjoy doing? Or is it something else worth doing? Let’s find out…

Is passion synonymous with a hobby?

 Passion and hobby are mostly used interchangeably. But are they similar? If you think it is, then probably it is time to break that notion. Although they might seem to be similar, they hold a completely different meaning. A hobby is anything that we love doing as a part of recreation. It refreshes our mind but it is not something we like to do always. We can’t stick to it all the time, nor are we ready to make a lot of effort for it.

Conversely, passion is something that infuses us with inner satisfaction and delight. It is something that defines us. It makes us feel complete from within. Unlike a hobby, passion gives us the enthusiasm to do a particular work and keeps us glued to that work despite success and failure.

Passion helps us stick to a goal because we love the activity we are doing. When we love the process more than the product (i.e. the result), it means we are passionate about that activity. Anything in this universe (time, money, effort pain, failure, criticism, demotivation, or difficulty) can’t stop us from performing an activity in the long run, if we are passionate about it. Passion has in it the fuel that keeps us going irrespective of any hurdle. And the fuel is nothing but our curiosity, interest, love, and commitment for that activity. But no matter how committed we are, we cannot keep on doing a job 24/7. So, when we get tired and need some change, we may turn towards our hobby. A person might have a thousand hobbies, but there must be one such thing that he is passionate about, that gives him the satisfaction and happiness from within and the motivation to keep going.

                                                                                                                    

Is it something we enjoy doing?

We mostly stay in the illusion that passion is something that we just enjoy doing. But, in old English, the word passion refers to suffering. Just because we love a certain activity doesn’t mean it will be all easygoing. One of the basic human nature due to which we mostly fail is that we give up very easily, the moment we experience hardship or failure. No matter what so ever we might do, we will certainly come across difficulties. But a person who is passionate about that activity will see the problem as a challenge, as an opportunity to learn something really interesting out of that difficult task. So, we can only say that we have passion for a certain activity, if we can stick to it despite failure or difficulty.

How to find passion

So, now that you have understood what passion means in the true sense can you guess how to discover your passion? Nothing much, just focus on these following points-

• ·       Try different activities- Do everything that interests you. Do not pick and choose activities just based on your assumption of good or bad.
•      Make use of your opportunities- Many times we leave opportunities that come to us just because we are not confident enough to perform that activity, or maybe because we haven’t tried it before. But trust me, most of the time we don’t even realize how much we love doing that.

•      Gather more knowledge- We can only choose our passion if we are well informed about different subject matters. If we do not have proper knowledge about something then how can we be interested in it? If you like dancing, for example, then you have to gather proper knowledge on different dance forms, its historical background (it’s origin) and understand them. The more knowledge you will have, the better you will be able to understand that field and eventually your level of interest will increase. Think about it, when do you find a task interesting? Think about it. Is it when when you can't understand anything and struggle with the problem? Or, is it when you or when you understand something at once and can solve the problem in no time. So, you must have proper knowledge about any matter to develop passion towards it.

•     Orient yourself with the right environment- Our environment affects our personality to a great extent. Hence, we need to orient ourselves in the right environment. And by the environment I mean everything starting from our family members, friends, the people we interact with, to books, YouTube videos, blogs, journals, everything. If you love writing and you aren’t reading any books, instead prefer to binge on some random music videos, then, your interest in writing will vanish in no time. But, if instead you read a lot of books, and try to analyze the writing style, understand the characters, the socio-economic background of the time that your reading provides, work on your vocabulary, and so on then, your chances of growing passionate for that activity will increase.   

~Olivia Haldar   

 

 

Life Is A Story Read It, Life Is A Journey Enjoy It, Life Is A Music Sing It!

 

 

Are You Confused About Your Career? Just Plunge Deep into Your Soul

 

Plunge Deep Into Your Soul

How well do you know yourself? Do you exactly know what your true potential is? Or are you just looking at yourself from the social perspective. Yes, that’s not your fault! Maybe you never got the chance to explore yourself. Yes, in your childhood you loved exploring different colors, or maybe your melodious voice could soothe your heart, or may be your sweaty body after a tremendous football match could make you feel refreshed. But, you were always asked carry on with your studies well, as you need to have a secured and steady job. And as you grow up listening to this, you started to believe that this is the one and only way to lead your life. Thus, you enter into the rat race, considering all other dreams and desire as unrealistic, and meaningless. You see this advice is natural, but it is you who knows your potentiality, none else. So right in the beginning you need to argue with the advisors what you think of your career and stability in your life, only to prove yourself that you have your own strong vision of life.  

 Is it really possible to do something out of compulsion? You don’t enjoy it, nor do you like it, but you are still doing it because there is no other option. Gradually you turn into a robot, whose life just revolves around the ‘have to do’ principal. You convince yourself that you have to do this work to have a good life. How ironic! You are doing something you never wanted to do and yet expecting a good life out of it. As we know the famous quote “Money can’t buy you happiness”. Yes a certain job may pay you a good salary, or give you a luxurious life, but, can it guarantee you happiness and satisfaction in life? Maybe not. So it is very essential to identify your core strengths and weaknesses and decide the right path for yourself. Do everything that you love doing and not just what you are asked to do. Because, it’s your life, so anything you achieve is your success and everything you lose is your responsibility.

Most often you give up your hobbies or even force yourself to do certain things over others, because you consider your dreams to be unrealistic. But trust me dreams are not unnecessary at all. Our parents and well wishers want us to have a secure life, where we do not have to struggle much and can achieve success. So they try to channelize us into a path that they are sure of. But, they are not against our dreams. If we can prove ourselves through our hard work and dedication to our dreams, they will be the first person to support us. The journey is indeed difficult, but not impossible.

So, if you are confused about your life, because your parents want you to get a life that is different from what you wanted. Do not just obey. Remember! You are going to spend the rest of your life doing that job. And you cannot intentionally choose a life that you know will give you stress and frustration. But having said that, you can’t even choose a career out of your impulsive fascination!

† Henceforth, while taking any major decision in life ask yourself these questions

·       What is it that I love doing the most?

·       Why do I love doing this?

·       In which way will this make my life better?

·       What are my strengths and weaknesses?

·       Do I have the resources to do the work? E.g. knowledge, mental strength, patience to learn the skills, determination to do the task.)

·       What if I fail? What is the worst that can happen with me? Can I handle it?

And only if you find the answer to all of these questions, you can then decide what’s right for you and what’s not.

~Olivia Haldar

 

Be the best and the happiest version of yourself!